Unbearable!

Like most of us, from time to time, l veg out watching a documentary on the history channel or wildlife channel.

Recently, I watched a story of a twin tragedy that occurred on August 12, 1967. When on the same night, not far from Heaven’s Peak at National Glacier Park, two college women, not associated with one another, were mauled to death and eaten by Grizzly Bears.

After the attack, rangers and officials went hunting for the bear; only to find out later, not one but two grizzly bears were responsible.

One bear that was extinguished was a mother bear with cubs with an injured foot. They identified dried human blood on her claws. A second bear shot near the ranger’s station had broken glass lodged into the gums and teeth. To make sure they had the right bear, they examined the gut, to find blond human hair.

Soon after the terrible tragedy, strict food and garbage safety rules were put in place at all the parks.

Both of these bears were hurt and injured, there is nothing more dangerous than an injured bear!  

I read online that there are no set rules with bears. Every bear reacts differently with human encounters.  The reactions depend largely on previous experience with humans, if they’re hurt or hungry. This got me thinking, hmm sounds a lot like some people I know—biting your head off because they are hurt from the past.

I’m always thinking of something to write about with my blog. I couldn’t help but think that we all deal with Bears in our lives, difficult people.

Our instinct is when these bears in our lives lash out at us, that we growl back, scream and throw stones.

But you should never do this in the wild or with people. Being aggressive put them in defensive mode. These bears will show you whose dominant…get ready to fight!

On a good day, we might show a little more patience and understanding for difficult people. Some of us have mastered the art of ignoring them to just get through the day.  We may even find ourselves justifying someone’s behavior because we know they are hurting.

The truth is having tolerance and patience for these difficult people can be the most challenging thing on the planet.

If you’ve ever dealt with one of these types at work, it can be unbearable, pun intended!  When you’re in a work atmosphere you’re forced to bite your tongue, put on a fake smile, count to ten…But you’ll agree with me that when year-end reviews roll around, you ought to be given an award for putting up with them and/or deserve a big fat raise!

Some of our difficult, injured bears are: friends, spouses, family, co-workers, even people at church for that matter. Sometimes you might run into one of these bears at the grocery store, at a traffic light or even at front desk at a doctor’s office. If we let them, they can ruin our day.

Some of us are flat out forced to deal with these personalities. Perhaps, you’re living with a bear.

If you were to encounter a bear in the wild, you should never turn your back on them. Metaphorically in our Christian world this means, don’t stop praying for them. God has the power to change them and your response to them! Sometimes living with them or being friends with them may be just too unbearable, but continue to support them from a far through prayers.

Pray that you’re slow to anger, for tolerance and pray that they don’t shake your spirit.

In the wild, you should never scream out in an aggressive voice to a bear.  When you speak to a bear, speak in a soft non-threatening voice. This is no different with human bears.

We’ve all heard kill them with kindness. Don’t misunderstand me.  This does not mean be a door mat but what it means is be polite, kind spirited but firm and clear on your needs and expectations.

When it’s not a moral issue, one thing you can do to help your level of frustration is to lower your expectations. Expectations are something you set forth in your mind that might not be known to others.

We are sure to get disappointed in people if we set unrealistic expectations. Take for instance, if you have a parent that is an alcoholic. It’s not realistic to think that they will remember to call or even show up to your child’s birthday party. What you can do is if you know it’s important for your child to hear from Grandma on the birthday, then call her.

When you’re on phone say, “We have a busy day today and “name” wanted to say Hi before all her friends get here for the b-day.

It’s not realistic to think someone with an addiction could possibly step into that perfect parent or grandparent role overnight or ever for that matter. You can only control you. You can only control your response. You can only control your expectations. Perhaps, a better thing is not to expect a phone call or a card and don’t get your feelings hurt when they don’t reach out on birthdays. Let it go.

But when Grandma’s b-day rolls around, send the home-made card, make the phone call…

Do onto others as you wish done to you. But remember, you’re not keeping score. Do it because it’s the right thing to do.  Expect nothing in return. Releasing the expectations, extinguishes a lot of resentment and disappointment in people.

This doesn’t mean you can’t make an agreement. Agreements are different than expectations. Perhaps a friend with a potty mouth and you wish they would chill out in your presence.  I work with someone who in regular conversation says GD. It makes me cringe when he says it, more so than any bad word.

I simply said to him, “I wish you wouldn’t say GD.”

He said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was saying it so much.”

On other meetings, he has slipped up, but quickly said he was sorry for saying the Lord’s name in vain.  In the future, if he gets on his GD wagon, I’ll just walk away.

You can also create internal barriers with people. If a longtime friend for instance, calls you every time they are drunk. You can politely exit the phone. Refuse to talk to them when they are in that state. They will finally get that in order to be friends, they will have to call you sober. If their actions make you feel bad, it’s okay to set protective boundaries. Not long ago my family, had to deal with this from a longtime family friend that struggles with alcoholism. He finally got the message, we would not put up with abusive language and drunken behavior.

In no way shape or form does being a Christian mean that you have to be walked on by these difficult people. But challenge yourself to love difficult people and to pray for them.  Expect to give rather than to receive.  Do kind things without any expectations of getting anything in return. They may be giving you everything they have emotionally to give at that time.

 Pray for a kind, patient Christ-like spirit.  Respond with a kind voice and without defense.

More importantly, “Put on the armor,” wrote Paul in his letter to the Romans, “…clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ.” (Romans 13:12-14)

 

Daily Bible Verses:

Romans 12:3: “For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.”

Proverbs 12:16 “A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.”

James 1:19-20: “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (NKJV).

 

Thoughts for Today

1. Is there a difficult person in your life that you need to pray for?
2. Do you need to lower your expectations or remove certain expectations with someone?
3. Are you a bear in certain situations? Gatherings?
4. What can you do to change the bear in yourself? Or change your response?
5. Pray for Yourself. Pray for Others.